


Let Go

by Sethrine



Category: Marvel (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst, Bruce Banner Feels, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Loki Feels, Past Relationship(s)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-11-13
Updated: 2014-09-03
Packaged: 2018-01-01 09:08:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 10,348
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1043019
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sethrine/pseuds/Sethrine
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He had been missing for a full year.</p><p>You had presumed him dead.</p><p>And now that you knew he was still alive, you hated him. At least, you believed you did.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Need-to-Know Basis

**Author's Note:**

> Hello again, everyone! I've got another little Marvel treat for you, and this time it's in the form of Bruce Banner!
> 
> This work will be probably ten chapters or so. I'm quite proud with some of the depth I manage to get into in this piece.
> 
> As always, I hope you guys enjoy!

“Alright, who’s the newbie with the familiar face, and why wasn’t I told she’d be here?” 

You gave a somewhat smug smile to the one and only Tony Stark as he eyed you with a curious stare. Familiar was right; you had worked under him before at Stark Industries, though only as you were ordered to do so by Director Fury. It was sort of an observation mission, one of many things you were good at while still being just as inconspicuous as the next person. 

“I’m almost hurt, Mr. Stark. Surely you’d remember one of your own former employees?” 

“You’d think I wouldn’t be able to forget a short spitfire like yourself. Then again, I do have quite the mix of employees.” 

Fury gave the both of you a look that more or less demanded to discontinue the banter; a somewhat formal introduction between you and the rest of the group would follow shortly, anyways. Even if Stark didn’t remember your name, he knew you as a familiar face, which had to mean something. You may not be the most voluptuous woman, nor were you the tallest, standing at a whopping 5’2”, but you had such a way about you that most who met you seemed to recognize you quite easily. For Stark, it was no different. 

As you'd expected, Fury gave your name to the group. "She's my main eyes and ears when on the field, and one hell of an observationalist to boot.” 

“I’m also quite the shot,” you chided in, smiling as you reached for Stark’s hand and shook it firmly. “It’s a pleasure to be working with you again.” 

“Likewise, surely,” he responded, a familiar sort of grin finding its way to his lips. It seemed he did remember you, after all. 

Meeting with the others was done in the same fashion, you giving handshakes or a small dip of your head in greeting. You found Steve Rogers to be a doll and just as polite and wonderful as Coulson made him out to be. Natasha was just as lovely and mysterious as ever; you had also worked with her on several occasions, though due to her nature, you were never really able to figure her out other than the documents you had on her, something your observationalist ego still wasn't able to recover from. And Thor…well, he found your size rather humorous and had proceeded to lift you up off the floor and promptly seated your little bottom on his shoulder. Though slightly startling at first, this also had you amused as you had never met the Norse God before, nor were you used to his odd and almost wondrous antics. 

Unfortunately, as the man pulled you down from your perch and a jab at your cute size and nature was made, you spotted yet another man up in the next level of the aircraft where you knew the temporary lab to be. This alone was not what had your previously hyped up mood crushed into dust and spit upon. It was the fact that you _knew_ this man, had known him for many years and had actually been _with_ him for a time that had your mood souring by the second. 

That, and the fact that you thought he had been dead for the past year. 

You forced a simmering glance toward Director Fury, knowing just by the slightest difference in his facial features that he had been keeping the knowledge of this man being on the aircraft from you. How he had done that, you weren’t sure, but you were inwardly furious. 

“What is Bruce doing here?” you questioned, looking back up into the glass-walled room where said man was working, unaware of the eyes now glancing up at his busy self. 

“Someone’s on a first-name basis. I smell a favorite! Not really fare to the rest of the group.” 

You ignored Stark’s outburst and sent another look in Fury’s direction, his single visible eye mirroring your same frustration, though for entirely different reasons. 

“His being here was on a need-to-know basis at the time-" 

“So?” 

“You didn’t need to know.” 

Your glare only intensified as you took a few steps closer to the leather clad leader, pointing up to the lab with your clipboard you had been keeping just in the crook of your arm. 

“Doctor Banner being on this aircraft should have been the first thing you told me about! Hell, a head’s up that he was even _alive_ would have been nice, too.” 

“I needed your mind on the Initiative as a group and not one member, or have you forgotten exactly what chaos has already happened or what _could_ happen if you let your emotions get in the way, Agent?” 

With narrowed eyes, you swallowed the angry lump in your throat, choosing to back down instead of causing any more of a scene. It was downright dirty of Fury to not inform you of _his_ presence on the ship, though it was just as bad of you to overreact. What else were you supposed to do in this sort of situation, though? 

It took a moment to calm yourself, though you were able to force a decent enough smile as you turned to the others. 

“If you’ll all excuse me for a moment, I’ll be back to clue you in on details you may not know about. Until then, I look forward to working with you all.” 

You then proceeded to walk away and down one of the many hallways leading to other areas of the airship, the heels of your shoes clicking hard and angry against the metallic floors. 

“Wow, I don’t think I’ve ever seen a woman that angry before,” Steve stated as he watched your retreating form disappear behind a corner. Stark found his comment rather funny and guffawed aloud. 

“Angry doesn’t begin to cover it, Spangled-Pants. I almost feel sorry for ol’ Brucey up there. Doubt he knows what’s headed his way, and I don’t think it’ll be very pretty in the end.”


	2. Words For The Wise

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He had left you, all alone without you being any the wiser of his whereabouts. You'd rather die by his hands than ever be alone.

So many mixed emotions swam through your head. You didn’t know how exactly to feel when finally entering the glass-walled room filled with advanced technology, one particular holographic panel being used by Bruce himself. 

You were definitely happy to see him; your heart beat so frantically in your chest that it was a wonder it didn’t burst through and fall to the floor. You were upset, as well; your eyes nearly threatened to spill tears down your cheeks at just knowing he was alive. Above all the mixed emotions, however, your anger was predominant. 

The clicking of your heels was much softer than earlier as you walked further into the room, stopping just in the middle of the area. Honestly, you didn’t know what to say at that moment. Too many things were left unsaid when he disappeared from your life, and so many things needed to be said now more than ever. 

“Is there something you needed?” 

It felt as if your heart nearly skipped a beat at the question he asked. It had been so long since you had heard his voice; you'd thought you would never hear it again. 

Your words failed you. 

This prompted Bruce to turn from his research a minute later, his eyes focusing on your small form before a surprised look crossed his face. Your name, very nearly whispered, fell from his lips. 

He turned fully to face you, his surprise only faltering as he began putting the puzzle pieces together in his head. You knew why he was surprised to see you there, dressed up in a nice pin-striped suit and hair pulled back in a neat bun; it had been before his disappearance that you told him you thought about stepping down from S.H.I.E.L.D. At the time, it was starting to look like you would have the chance at having a family of your own. Ever since he had vanished, however, you found the sudden lonliness to be so much worse without the distraction of work. 

“I thought…no one told me you were still working for S.H.I.E.L.D.” 

“Apparently things around here are on a strict need-to-know basis,” you stated in a clipped tone, answering his unasked question with a hint of malice to your words. “If it helps, you didn’t give me the choice to step down, Doctor Banner.” 

A small frown marred his features. You expected as much; you definitely weren't being subtly about things. 

“ _Doctor Banner_? Since when have we been on formalities?” 

“Since you decided to leave me and fall off the face of the earth!” 

Your voice had raised an octave as you inwardly tried fighting back your temper so as not to trigger his anger. You knew exactly what happened last time someone forced him into a blind rage, knew exactly what he became when that anger and resentment took over his body. Not only would you be held responsible for the damage that would surely be done to the aircraft if he were to switch to his “other side,” but also the lives of countless others if the ship were to drop from the sky. 

“I shouldn’t have come up here,” you stated more to yourself than him. You turned abruptly and began walking toward the exit, hoping that leaving would at least cool your frayed nerves a bit. “If you’ll excuse me, Doctor Banner-“ 

“Wait, please!” 

You turned at the sudden weight around your wrist, the grip there surprisingly gentle and just enough to stop you from leaving at that instant. Your eyes narrowed considerably as you jerked your hand away from his grasp with little to no resistance. You did this out of your own anger; he believed it was because of fear. 

“It was the only way. I had to do it, don't you understand?” 

“You didn’t have to do anything, Bruce!” 

“It was for the safety of others; it was for your safety, too.” 

“My safety? I work for S.H.I.E.L.D., for God’s sake! The very moment I said yes to this agency, all ideas of safety flew out the window.” 

“You told me you were going to quit, that you were going to try and get into-“ 

“That was before you _left me_!” 

Your shout seemed to reverberate throughout the room, bouncing off the walls and echoing back in your ears as a sort of final note. Though you had tried to hide them, several tears had forced their way from behind the dam holding them back, easily slipping down your cheeks. 

“You left me, Bruce. You left me here all alone when I _needed_ you. For a whole year, I thought you were dead, that the government or the armed forces or whatever had finally gotten to you and had killed you. But no, you were hiding away half-way around the world, unknowingly veiled under the protection of S.H.I.E.L.D. And I had _no idea_. They lied to me, and you lied...you lied....” 

Turning away from him, you brushed the small, salty trails from your face, taking a deep, shakey breath to get yourself under control. You barely looked over your shoulder at him, his face contorted into what appeared to be confusion while his eyes hinted at an inner battle to keep himself calm. He was upset, though not at you as you thought he was. It was your final words as you walked off that really triggered his distraught mood. 

“I’d rather be killed by your own hands than ever be left alone.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all the kudos!
> 
> See ya around for the next chapter!


	3. Left Behind

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tony finds out what demons lie in the past between you and Bruce and offers some sound advice in the only way he knows how.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Goodness, it's been awhile for this one! I was surprised by the amount of attention it was stirring up out of nowhere. So sorry for the long delay!
> 
> As always, I hope you guys enjoy!

Tony Stark was bored. 

He was already well on his way into hacking through S.H.I.E.L.D.’s system, biding his time by hanging around Doctor Banner and munching his way through a bag of dried blueberries. Though the excitememt of gaining the wonderous secrets of the organization had not dimmed, his patience was wanning all too quickly. 

In short, all this waiting around, was causing the man to become restless. Bugging the mess out of Bruce until he turned green seemed like a marvel idea, an idea he had a little too much interest in. Instead, just to quell his bored, restless mind, he decided on something a little more civil as far as brutality went. 

“So, what’s your story with the shortcake? She was quite the angry little thing last time I saw her, and I’ve seen my share of angry women.” 

Bruce sighed as he continued tinkering with a device of some sort. 

“(Y/N)’s not very happy with me at the moment because of some… _things_ that happened a while back.” 

“Oh? Problems under the sheets? It happens to some of us, no reason for such hostility on her part.” 

Bruce sent an incredulous look Tony's way. “I’d rather not say.” 

“And I’d rather not hack into your life story anymore than necessary, but I'm not adverse to it. I can always go and ask her, though I’d rather not get a bullet in the head just yet.” 

Bruce let another sigh escape his lips, though this time it was more resigned. Tony smiled, knowing he had gotten into the other man’s head enough that he was about to get a good story out of it. 

“(Y/N) and I, we go back.” 

“How far?” 

“About six, maybe seven years or so? We started working together around that time, and somewhere down the line we became close. She told me quite a bit about herself, how she had grown up, orphaned all her life, wanting to make a change in the world for the better. So she studied, and she trained, and she pushed her way up through the ranks until she found herself here in S.H.I.E.L.D. with a job she was good at, a place where she…she could help people.” 

He paused a moment to pester Tony with finding a certain tool before continuing on. 

“I didn’t know about the organization at the time because she had hidden it well for about two years. She’d drop hints here and there, but it never really phased me. She was happy, and that made me happy for her. 

“Eventually, our relationship somehow became much more serious to the point that I was very close to asking her to marry me. And then…well, you know.” 

“So let me guess: you turn into a giant green rage monster, you _think_ she finds you hideously grotesque, so you travel to the other side of the globe just to hide away?” 

“Try ‘I literally almost killed her by smashing her brains in’ instead.” 

The atmosphere around the two geniuses became a bit thicker with tension as Bruce continued with his story. 

“I, um…I was being tracked down at the time. At least fifty men in uniform and heavily armed had surrounded me in a closed off area. “The Other Guy” decided to come out then to handle the situation, but (Y/N) was there and I…I didn’t even know. She was calling out to me, trying to make me see reason or change back or something, it’s hard to remember. I do remember her face, though, when _his_ fist came down right beside her head. She was so scared, so terrified of what I’d become and what I’d almost done….” 

The tension in the air was so thick at this point that Stark could almost taste it as he swallowed. Bruce had to take a minute to calm himself before he could continue, a greenish hue already trying to take over his eyes as the tool in his hand bent with the tightening of his grip. He dropped ot proptly afterwards, giving his hand a shake to quell the urge of destruction in his limbs. 

“It was that moment where I could have easily smashed her skull into the floor that made me realize I couldn’t be here. I couldn’t be around the stress of armed forces trying to take me down or other scientists trying to gain the upper hand over me or having her always be afraid of “The Other Guy” coming out. I had to leave, even if it meant leaving (Y/N) behind.” 

Bruce went back to tinkering with the mechanical object, surprised to find that he had actually finished the process of putting it together without breaking it. The small flash of blinking lights told him that it was working just fine and could be put to use right away. 

“If she hates me, then so be it. It’ll keep her away from me, and I won’t have to worry about her safety.” 

“Just going to put this out there, but your idiot is showing, amd not in the best of ways.” 

“Really now?” Bruce questioned, a smile forming on his face that wasn’t exactly happy. “Why do you say that?” 

Tony rolled his eyes as he popped a few more dried blueberries into his mouth, chewing momentarily before answering. 

“You see, I actually worked with (Y/N) for a short time. I may not know her on the personal level that you do, but I learned a thing or two from being around her. Honestly, it makes more sense knowing now that she was an orphan.” 

“What do you mean?” Bruce questioned, a confused look crossing his features. Tony smiled in that knowing way of his. 

“What I mean is you screwed up big time, Banner. I know this because (Y/N) doesn’t like to be left alone in any way, form, or fashion.” 

“I don’t…understand.” 

“C’mon, Banner! You can’t sit there and tell me you didn’t see the way she clung to you or any group in particular, or how she was never alone leaving or entering a building, or even how she reacts to the mere mention of solo operations. If you can’t see that, then I’m just going to go out on a limb here and say that you’ve grown rather dense in the past couple of minutes.” 

“What you’re saying doesn’t make sense. I’ve seen her alone before. She was always in the lab before anyone else, at least an hour by herself.” 

"You know damn well that doesn’t count for anything.” 

“What are you getting at, Tony? That I’m some heartless beast because all I can think about is (Y/N)’s well-being when I could very easily kill her?” 

Tony stood in front of the desk Bruce was working at, slapping his palms down on the metallic surface to make his point. 

“What I’m saying, Doctor Banner, is you left (Y/N) all alone in a world where she trusts few and loves even fewer. For that, you may very well deserve her anger and any difficulties she throws your way. What you fail to realize is the trust of a woman who loves you very much may be gone for good. You should probably be ashamed. Either that, or I’m just speaking out my ass. Who knows? It's not like my past relationships were ever stable.” 

Tony moved away then, continuing on with his snack and moving to one of the holographic panels, pulling out a smaller device he had been using to hack into the database from his pocket. Bruce continued to process their conversation, his eyes shifting back and forth as he began going over past events and memories of he and you together as if he were reading a book. 

Dear God, what had he done?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all the lovely comments and kudos! If you wanna see more, have a look at my other works, and stick around for the next installment!
> 
> See ya around for the next chapter!


	4. Redemption

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Redemption is not lost to those who seek it. One must hope that those you wish to redeem yourself with are willing to forgive.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The only reason this one is taking so long is because I have to revise the chapters. It's already written out, but it needs some fine tuning and tweeking here and there.
> 
> But! I'm definitely excited to bring you guys this chapter. So, as always, I hope you guys enjoy!

Since your outburst with Br- _Doctor Banner_ , you had tried everything possible to stay as far away from him. This was a very difficult task as you were the informant for the Avengers Initiative, and needed to be in close contact with all of the heroes involved, including the scientist. 

Even so, you were bound and determined to keep any talking with him as minimal as possible and only relating to the Initiative as a whole as well as what was to come from the group's cooperative team play. Once everyone was well informed on everything, you once again excused yourself from their group in hopes to clear your mind, think things through that had been better left in the past. 

About three months ago, you had finally come to terms with the fact that Bruce was very well dead. It had torn your heart in two with the realization, but it was the only logical thing you could think of when he completely disappeared from your life. 

The last time you had seen him…well, you had heard things about his transformation when angry, but that had been the very first time you had ever seen him “go green,” so to speak. It had terrified you that Bruce, _your_ Bruce, a man who was so caring and sweet and intelligent as all get-out, had turned into something so angry and destructive with just a few words spoken and a threat to action that set him on edge. But you knew deep down that what you had seen was _not_ the Bruce you had known those many years. It was now a part of him, yes, but it wasn't who he was. 

That day at the complex, you had tried to stop them from shooting at him, had tried to make Bruce see reason even when he was in that state. You had even forced your way through the armed men trying to hold you back, calling out to him and begging him to calm down. And then he turned on all of those men, thrashing them to and fro as if they were ragdolls taking damage from a child’s antics. 

And when there were none left, he suddenly turned on you…. 

“Ah, another agent, here to grace me with her presence. Perhaps my previous information was not enough?” 

You looked up with suddenness, unaware that you had made your way to where they had been keeping Loki. The Asgardian (ah, but his origin was from another place, wasn't he?) seemed a bit restless as he paced methodically in his holding cell. Looking at the clear, cylindrical entrapment they had placed him in momentarily, its presence began to make more sense. 

It wasn’t initially made for Loki, it seemed, but for Bruce in case something…unfortunate happened. 

The God’s smile was strange; it felt welcoming, yet at the same time it held such malice to it that it forced the slightest of shivers down your spine. You knew very well what he was capable of, having read his file and seen some of his destruction in action, yet there was a part of you that wondered if there was something more to his actions than he was letting on. 

“I see. Their tactics have changed, then. So you will mock me with your silence in hopes that I will begin spilling my life story to you?” 

“I…no. I’m here of my own free will. I guess I was drawn here for reasons unknown.” 

If possible, the man’s smile grew even wider. 

“What reasons they must be! For you to find the company of one such as myself more comforting than that of your fellow comrades calls for suspicion, do you not agree?” 

You eyed the God carefully as you moved closer to the cylindrical cage-like encasing, Loki mirroring your actions and moving closer as well. 

“Just as suspicious as you wanting to start a conversation with the likes of me, I’m afraid.” 

Loki chuckled then, his smile simmering to that of a pleasant quirk of his lips. This was the first time you were actually able to get up close and personal with the God of Mischief. You knew from his file that he had quite a way with words. Though you knew you were a good agent, you didn’t think you’d be able to avoid his charming nature even if you wanted to. The strange part about this was you didn’t mind; there wasn’t any information from you he’d get that he didn’t already know from others, so you wouldn’t be compromising anything. 

“I believe we may have the same mindset, Miss (L/N). Or, do you prefer (Y/N)?” 

You gave Loki a curious stare. “How…do you know my name?” 

Loki chose to ignore your question and continued on as if you had never spoken, your wide eyes following his every movement as he paced slowly. 

“Our paths have crossed by no mere coincidence, I can assure you. We are alike, you and I." 

You gave Loki a narrowed look. "In exactly what way? Because let me tell you right now, I don't kill or rule over others for fun and games." 

This made the blue-green eyed God chuckle slightly. 

"I’ve been lied to, deceived and betrayed in the most unimaginable ways. And then I was cast out as nothing but a burden, just a speck of dust on an otherwise flawless vessel that had no place for the likes of me. Yet here I stand, gloriously adept and ready for what is to come, all because I sought truth and purpose in a world that would give neither.” 

“What about redemption?” 

Loki paused in his pacing, his eyes narrowing as he looked back at you with a hard stare. The look had completely caught you off-guard as most of his features thus far had been rather pleasant. It seemed you hit a nerve in the calculative God. 

“There is no redemption in a place teeming with deception, madness, and ruin.” 

“You’re wrong,” you stated before you could stop yourself, warranting another glare from Loki. “Everyone has the chance to redeem themselves, just as…just as everyone has the chance at forgiveness and to be forgiven.” 

“And what would you know of forgiveness?” 

A sad sort of smile crossed your features, your eyes connecting with the blue hued orbs of the man held captive before you. 

“My life was nothing but darkness, and I felt that I lived as nothing but a shadow. Living in an orphanage can do that to you; it makes you think there’s nothing special about you or that you’re never going to make it in the world. I mean, how could you if you don’t even know who you are or what family you were born in or even why you weren’t wanted in the first place, just cast aside and left with nothing but death to meet you?” 

For whatever reason, Loki seemed genuinely interested in what you had to say. It showed in the way his pacing had ceased as well as how he stared back with such intensity when you continued to speak. 

“I was about fifteen when I decided that I would finally step into the light, so to speak; I wasn’t going to become another shadow on the wall when I could do so much more, _be_ so much more. I studied hard, I trained myself to defend and fight back, and I clawed my way to the top. I made something of myself to prove that I had the chance at redemption, that I would not stay the mistake that my parents thought of me. And then I found my place here with S.H.I.E.L.D. where I was wanted and appreciated. 

“I was no longer the shadow that I once was; I was _worth_ something to them, and because of that, I felt that I had finally redeemed myself of the misfortune and waste that had been my previous life; I was able to forgive the past for being so cruel and looked forward to the future that shined so brightly in the shadows. And I had even found someone who understood that and didn’t pity me because of it. But he…he did some things, terrible things, and I didn’t even give him the chance to redeem himself.” 

Your eyes widened during your rambling as you continued to stare up at Loki, a somewhat knowing smile reaching his lips. 

“But…you already knew that, didn’t you?” 

Your eye contact with the God of Mischief broke suddenly as the helicarrier jolted rather suddenly, a loud booming noise coming from somewhere off in the distance. There was the sound of people scattering and calling out orders as you looked around and back at a smirking Loki. 

_“Agent (L/N), come in!”_

You reached up and pressed against the small device hidden in your ear as Loki continued to stare you down with a knowing look. 

“Director Fury, what the hell is going on?” 

_“We have a situation. A BIG situation.”_

Your body suddenly froze as a monstrous roar echoed from somewhere above, a violent shiver running down your body as it resonated in the room. You knew exactly what that sound meant, knew exactly _who_ had made the sound and what would ensue. 

“Bruce!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for all the kudos and lovely comments!
> 
> See ya around for the next chapter!


	5. The Monster Within

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It was the same moment, only a year had passed between them. And yet, this time, you had made the slightest difference. Even if it could mean your death.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not much to say, other than enjoy!

The helicarrier was in complete and total chaos. 

People were pushing past other people everywhere you turned, shouting out warnings and directions and trying to rush into doing their necessary jobs in order to keep things running as smoothly as possible. The aircraft had been compromised, and the best thing to do at that point was to follow protocol and keep your defenses up at all times. 

Much to your luck, you had the unfortunate chance to meet up with some of the infiltrators on your way to the most commotion and dealt with them accordingly. The first two had a pretty good taste of the bottom of your foot, while the third one got a little too cocky with trying to manhandle you and ended up with a recalibrated neck. The fourth one you had encountered ended up accidentally shooting himself thanks to your guiding hands pointing the gun in the right direction. 

After your impromptu stop, you finally came to an open area of the ship where extra supplies and jets were being kept as storage; it was where the most noise was coming from, which meant Bruce had to be somewhere close. When you entered the area, you had to immediately duck as boxes came flying at you from every which-way. You pushed your way through the ambush of supplies and found Thor sprawled out just a few feet away. 

“Thor! What the hell is going on!?” 

“(Y/N), stay back!” he shouted suddenly as he stood up and began running in the opposite direction, your wide eyes following his intended line and suddenly seeing green, quite literally. 

“Bruce,” you whispered, his name rolling off your lips before you even had the chance to register you had spoken at all. 

This was only the second time you had ever seen him in such a state, his body mass having quadrupled in size and his skin such a vivid green color that vaguely reminded you of a bright moss. You were not close enough to see into his eyes, but you could tell that his rage had completely taken over him, consumed him into becoming this creature that many had once called _The Hulk_. 

This was _not_ Bruce Banner; it was something entirely too dangerous to both the ship and the people within it, and it somehow needed to be stopped. 

You watched a moment longer as Thor struggled in his battle with the Hulk, both beings knocking the other here and there all over the area. It was becoming too much for you to handle having to watch them beat each other senseless. Thor may have been a God, but he was still getting battered, and it hurt to think that Bruce was trapped in such a cycle of rage. You wondered vaguely if he realized he was fighting against a friend. 

When Thor was thrown back several feet for what felt like the umpteenth time, you finally snapped and ran toward the two in hopes that you could quell the monster than Bruce had become. Call it a hopeless fantasy, or maybe even a stupid notion on your part to solve the problem without a violent end, but you hoped that your just talking to him would be able to snap him out of it, just as you had tried that year ago. 

“Bruce, you’ve got to snap out of it! Calm yourself down!” you shouted as you stopped before Thor’s once again sprawled body, hoping to divert the Hulk’s attention from Thor for just a moment. 

This idea did not go according to how you had planned. 

You were vaguely aware of Thor calling your name and just barely grabbing hold of your wrist to pull you out of the way, but what came next was a complete shock to your vulnerable body. The Hulk’s hand had whipped out and slung at your form to move you out of the way of his initial target. You flew through the air and hit heavily against the wall at least twenty feet behind you, forcing your breath from your lungs and your vision to waver dangerously into blackness. 

The initial pain took a moment to register, but once it hit, it was tremendous. You let out a pained whine as you hunched over on yourself, trying to get air back in your lungs without causing your ribcage to rattle in the process. It was possible there were a few broken bones in there, but it couldn’t be helped. The least you could be thankful for was your spine not snapping in half. 

An enraged roar resonated throughout the room, forcing you to wince and look up at the Hulk now towering over Thor. It took all your breath to call out to the green beast, but you were finally able to get his attention after one particular jab. 

“Damnit, Bruce, look...look at me! Look at me and re-remember where you are!” 

The Hulk turned and faced you suddenly, his nostrils flaring as he took in several large breaths. He took several steps forward, his footsteps causing the metal flooring beneath your trembling body to vibrate as if warning you of the danger to come. 

You already knew the danger you were in, but you had already come so far to back down now. If getting him to calm down meant your life, then so be it; you meant what you had said to Bruce some hours ago. You’d rather die by his hands than be left alone again. 

With newfound determination, you looked up into the eyes of the beast as he stopped suddenly a few feet away from you, eyes narrowing and fists clenching at his sides. You could see his veins pulsing along his arms and neck with the action; his eyes were shifting over your form, unsure whether to attack or wait for an attack that you would not administer. 

It was then, just as you were getting ready to call out to him again, that you saw the light change in those glowing green eyes. The look of rage had softened somewhat, had calmed upon making contact with your own (e/c) orbs. Bruce was not in control, you knew that. So why was this beast, filled with the awesome power to destroy and enraged beyond all comparison, looking at you with such understanding and hopelessness? 

The answer hit you suddenly, your eyes widening as you took in a sharp intake of breath. 

He remembered. 

The Hulk _remembered_ , not where he was, but who _you_ were and what you had attempted to do that time in the compound. He remembered you not as an enemy, but someone who had tried to understand. 

"Bruce-" 

Gunshots flew into the open area and hit against the Hulk’s back, the abrupt turn of events causing anger to flow through those pulsing veins and show like a mirror in his eyes. He turned and roared towards the offender, a jet pilot just hovering outside the runway storage facility and following orders to distract the Hulk. You called out to him desperately, but he already had eyes on his new target and had attacked accordingly, launching himself out of the helicarrier and onto the jet where he immediately began tearing into the metal contraption as it fell from the sky. 

“D-damnit!” you cursed, head falling heavily against the metal ground as tears welled in your eyes. You had been so close…so close to getting Bruce under control! 

“(Y/N), I am sorry I could not protect you. How badly are you hurt?” 

You looked up at a worried Thor kneeling beside you, his baby blue eyes showing his concern for your well-being. You swallowed hard as you tried lifting yourself up, crying out at the new onslaught of pain that took hold of your body. 

“I can’t…I can’t move anything, much less get up.” 

“Very well, then I shall take you somewhere safer where aid is available.” 

The blonde man proceeded to carefully lift you up, you wincing and gasping the whole way through, and began walking off briskly in some general direction you weren’t too concerned with. You were far too busy trying to figure out if the lights were dimming or if you were just imagining things. You were aware of voices sometime after that as well as some movement, though your senses were becoming incredibly numbed as the minutes ticked by. It wasn’t long before you blacked out completely from the pain. 

It was for the best, your black out. It would save you the pain of watching Coulson's death as well as Thor being dropped from the hellicarrier from the very contraption that was meant to hold the Hulk, all Loki's doing. Everything the God of Mischief did was necessary, after all, and he would prove it to you, to the rest of the world, one way or another.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all the kudos!
> 
> See ya around for the next chapter!


	6. The Grim Truth pt. 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> All is for a greater purpose, as you will come to find out. The bitter truth hurts those who knew only of comfortable lies and secret deception.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Getting close to the final chapter!
> 
> How do you think it's going to all end?
> 
> The next chapter is my favorite...so be looking out for the next update!

Waking up from a dreamless sleep was not a delightful feeling. It wasn’t like it wasn't normally a delightful feeling, though this time it was made worse by the pounding in your head as well as pain screaming at you from all along your left side and partially down your back. 

You staggered to a slightly hunched standing position, looking around with the realization that you were in a very familiar place that wasn't floating high in the air. In fact, you were standing in Stark Tower, if all the advanced technologies and arrogant displays were anything to go by, right inside Tony's penthouse suite at the top of the building. 

Outside, you could hear sirens and screaming, metal crashing and glass breaking. Things had escalated into chaos during your unconsciousness. Everything was hazy in your mind; you couldn’t remember how you had gotten here, or better yet who had brought you here and why. 

The question of _who_ it was had been quickly answered when Loki walked into the room from somewhere outside. Not long after, Tony Stark made his appearance, stepping down on what could only be described as his own personal landing dock as Iron Man and walking forward. Each metal piece of the suit was taken away by hidden devices in the floor and along a circular device following his movement. He didn’t seem too surprised to see you standing there; he and the rest of the group must have figured you were taken. 

“Ah, there you are, short stuff. We were wondering when you’d show up. Thor was acting like he had lost his puppy; he’ll be glad to know I found it.” 

Despite the serious situation, you chanced a glare at the conceited ass walking behind his home bar. Leave it to Stark to turn a grim situation into one of opportunity to poke fun at others. 

“Glad...to know," you wheezed out, grimacing at the pull on your ribcage with each inhale and echale you made. "Speaking of, where is the rest of the party?” 

“Oh, didn’t get the memo? It’s downstairs.” 

“And…and Bruce?” 

“I’m sure he’s around here somewhere, smashing holes in the buildings or whatever he does best. Now that I think about it, I don’t think this is your kind of party. There’s too many people running around, flying monkeys with blue lasers -not the rave kind, mind you-, the whole shebang. You might just want to wait this one out, preferably on the first floor.” 

“Ah, ah, that wouldn’t be in your best interest, Miss (L/N),” Loki piped in just as you had taken a step towards the door, "not when I have so many things to show you." 

He was pointing his scepter in your direction as a warning to stay where you stood. You had seen what destruction it could do and didn’t feel like being on the receiving end. Loki gave a charming sort of smile that just screamed danger before he directed his attention back to Tony. 

You listened closely as the two engaged in conversation and watched each of their reactions. Tony was making this into some sort of game, one that only he was finding amusing. Loki, on the other hand, was not putting up with Stark’s narcissistic ways and was quickly becoming detached from their talk. It wasn’t long before the God of Mischief turned his scepter to Tony, and with the action you were quickly reminded of what had happened to Clint and Dr. Selvig. All you could do was watch as the blue orb in the middle of the scepter began glowing brightly, the point at the end just making contact with Tony’s chest and- 

_Tink_

Loki looked rather surprised as he repeated the action, receiving the same sound and the same effect – nothing. 

“This usually works.” 

You gave a somewhat relieved smile as Stark followed up with a face and a snarky comment. “Performance issues…not uncommon. One out of five-“ 

A startled scream of Tony’s name came forth from your lips as Loki unexpectedly grabbed hold of the billionaire's neck. He had said something, something you couldn’t quite catch in your panicking state, before proceeding to throw a yelling Tony out the side of the landing dock. It was then that something flew from out of the wall next to you and out the same path Tony had taken; you swore if this man survived, you might just have to kiss him. 

Wide eyed, you chanced a look at Loki, fearing that he would do the same to you. Tony at least had a chance of surviving the fall with whatever contraption he had made to follow him down; you, however, did not. 

Loki’s eyes were narrowed and seemed to be holding a sort of muffled anger as well as amused curiosity. He smiled at you abruptly, the same smile you had seen before with the threat of being blown to pieces by his scepter, and you visibly shook with the sheer intensity of it. You had a feeling that you would not be making it out of this situation unscathed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for all the kudos and lovely comments!
> 
> See ya around for the next chapter!


	7. The Grim Truth pt. 2

“Why did you bring me here?” you asked with a tremor in your voice as Loki advanced in your direction. You made to back up as far away as you could, unfortunately finding purchase against a wall far quicker than you had anticipated. This only seemed to please the God of Mischief as he moved closer still until he was barely a few feet from your quivering form. 

“I’ve brought you here to show you what pity and sorrow cannot do, to show you why it takes more than redemption to save those who seek it. All I wish is to show them the truth through a King who is willing to enforce such a notion.” 

“Do you think doing any of this is noble?" you began, disbelief evident in your tone. "Do you believe you’ll find your own salvation by making a whole army of…of whatever those things are attack this place? All you’re doing is creating chaos; all you’ve done is destroy Manhattan and any chance of forgiveness with it!” 

His hand shot out with speed and precision towards your neck, his long fingers gripping lightly against your throat. This was a warning, a silent dare that spoke volumes; he could kill you at any moment if he so chose to, and there would be nothing you could do to stop him. 

He smiled cruelly as you looked up with wide, unblinking eyes, fear evident in your hazy eyes. You’d be damned if you pleaded with him to let you go; you were a S.H.I.E.L.D. agent, meaning you would fall knowing you’ve done all you could. Despite this, you knew that your being part of the organization had nothing to do with this unorthodox chance meeting with Loki. This whole exchange was about something very personal to him, something you both apparently shared in common. 

“Why is it you believe in such a thing as forgiveness?” 

“I b-believe in second chances.” 

His smile was wide, but dark. 

“But what of the third chance, and the fourth and fifth that follow it? Going around and around in circles must be exhausting to one’s disposition, especially when the same mistake is made time and time again. I cannot help but think even you have failed to show compassion for those lost souls around you.” 

“You can’t show anyone c-compassion unless you yourself know what it entitles.” 

Loki’s smile faltered with your words. You had no time to prepare yourself for the jerk against your neck as he dragged you over to the landing dock right outside Stark Tower. Manhattan was already in complete chaos; people were running here and there and screaming as rubble came down from nearby buildings and blue lasers shot out at them. 

“All of this you see is a necessary step. Can you not see what my goal will accomplish?” 

“I see nothing but devastation; physical, _emotional_ devastation.” 

Loki pulled you up closer to his taller form, his green eyes peering into yours. He then gave another smile and a light chuckle, a show of amusement playing his features. 

“You and I are so parallel that it almost sickens me to think I share such a similarly burdened past with the likes of a mere mortal.” 

“Similar? You couldn’t even hope to have the same past as me. We...we are nothing alike!” 

His fingers tightened threateningly against your throat, your breath hitching as your airways were slightly cut off by the pressure. His smile had disappeared altogether now; he was becoming impatient with you and angry at your backlash. This was the last line for you if anything; it was only fair to yourself to make it count for something. 

“We b-both seek compassion, something we never easily received. Cast...cast in the shadows of our peers, never to understand what true affection felt like from those w-we sought it from most. That is as far as our likeness goes, Loki, because I, unlike you, have found what I’ve been looking for. I thought I lost it once, but I’ve found it again, and I’ll never let it go, even if...even if it kills me.” 

Loki’s eyes narrowed dangerously. “And whatever could that be?” 

“Love, Loki. Love and affection and understanding, and the knowledge of knowing that it w-was there all along, that all I had to do was reach out for it from the darkness within my heart and I would never know the feeling of loneliness or despair ever again. You were...never alone like I was, Loki, yet you play out this game as if you’ve always been entitled by misery. You want the truth, Loki? Right now, you’re but a c-coward seeking revenge on nothing more than a clouded judgment and an empty heart.” 

You gave a startled inhale as your airways were nearly completely closed by the tight grip of his hand. Instinct had you clawing at his hand, trying in vain to get him to loosen his hold on you as he picked you up off the ground until you were hovering over the tiled floor in his grasp. It took only a matter of seconds for you to grow faint, your eyes fluttering, dangerously close to death. 

You did what you could, tried to make the otherworldly being slowly killing you off see reason to the unnecessary actions he insisted upon taking. This wasn't a novel, however. Loki wasn't about to have a sudden change of heart just because you showed a piece of yours. He had been wronged by people close to him, and that sort of betrayal was hard to forgive. 

You closed your eyes as your vision dimmed, the world closing in quickly around the edges in a blur. Your only regret was not telling Bruce...not telling him.... 

Without warning, a large mass of green emerged on the landing dock and knocked both you and Loki back into the building. Now free to breathe, you began coughing violently and giving out pained gasps as an onslaught of oxygen forced its way down your lungs and rattled your already damaged ribcage. Everything was spinning dizzily around you, but you were _alive_ , and that was something. 

You had just barely gotten your breathing under control when a hoarse scream escaped your lips at the spectacle happening before you. Apparently, Loki had managed to piss off The Hulk well enough, because he was now being slung to and fro until the final hit had him paralyzed and imbedded in the floor. 

“Puny God,” was said mockingly by the colossal being before he turned to you, his green eyes catching hold of yours as he took two steps closer. For only a brief moment, you were afraid that maybe you would be his next target; that notion was quickly thrown out the window at the strange, understanding look that contorted his face. 

“Hulk…remember,” he uttered in that deep, almost distorted voice of his that shook the air and any surrounding objects. Instantly, you were once again brought back to that day a year ago when you had tried to defend him, to ward off all the soldiers surrounding him in preparation to take him down. 

You gave a small smile and a nod of your head. 

“I…I do, too.” 

There was a whirring of noise coming from outside as what sounded like a huge explosion going off somewhere close by. Hulk turned to the noises before looking back at you; if you didn’t know any better, you’d say he looked torn between wanting to help the city and wanting to make sure you were alright. You gave a brighter smile then, one that instantly caught the Hulk’s attention. 

“Go on, I’ll be...I'll be fine, here. Sock ‘em a good one for me, would you?” 

Hulk gave his own wide grin as he made his way out towards the open dock area, running right off the edge and almost flying towards the building on the other side in his excitement. 

There was a moment where you just sat there and looked around the demolished area of the penthouse, the events that had just occurred racing through your mind. 

"This...this is my life. I just lived through this." 

You gave a short, almost hysterical laugh at the way your day had transpired. And then, just as suddenly as the Hulk had entered, your eyes closed and your body grew limp and relaxed fully to the floor, your mind shutting down for an undetermined amount of time. 

It was taxing, being thrown about and having several near-death experiences in one day. The Avengers would take care of everything, in the end, even making sure you were carefully monitored in one of S.H.I.E.L.D.'s healing facilities.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all the kudos!
> 
> See ya around for the next chapter!


	8. Lonely No More

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone who has stuck with the story this far. We've finally reached the end! I hope you enjoyed this emotional rollercoaster we've been on together.
> 
> Stay tuned for a special announcement in the end notes!

The first time waking up, it hurt to move even your fingers to gain anyone's attention. The aggravated, pain-filled noise you made after the attempt, however, had many swarming your bedside, asking you questions and checking your vitals. It was all a blur of people and movement and words that you could barely keep up with, and within minutes your mind was shutting down once again to rest yourself more suitably. 

Your third day being in S.H.I.E.L.D.'s intensive care, you were able to move around a bit better, at least enough to call in a nurse to help you get some water. This time, only two doctors came in to assess your condition, and after answering a few questions to assure that you (surprisingly) weren't concussed and jotting down your stats, you were deemed healthy enough to have visitors. And there were many. 

Tony was the very first to see you, a shock in itself that the man had taken the time out of his status to actually visit. He seemed even more surprised when you called him closer and placed a kiss near the corner of his mouth, assuring him that it was a promise you had made in the heat of the moment. It didn't stop his cocky grin from coming out, and you didn't mind so much. 

Next to visit was Natasha and Thor, and you felt that if you hadn't been connected to a series of tubes, wires, and monitors, nor had you looked like you had been splattered with blue paint, you were so bruised, you were sure the giant God would have wrapped you up in a big bear hug worthy of crushing your entire frame. 

"I am sorry for any pain my brother has caused you," he said, his tone almost somber as he reached for your hand and gave it a gentle squeeze. "You have my word that he will be dealt with to the highest extent my realm has to offer." 

You smiled brightly at him and gave a reassuring squeeze back. 

"Let him know that I forgive him, okay?" 

Thor looked confused by what you were asking of him. You were gracious enough to explain. 

"We had a chance to talk, and I realized that...he and I are more alike than is comfortable for me to admit. I was able to overcome my demons; Loki still has a long way to go. So let him know that I forgive him, even if he refuses to accept or understand that forgiveness. Everyone deserves that, even when they've lost their way." 

You gasped at the embrace that came your way, more out of pain than surprise, though you kept still as Thor showed his appreciation for your caring words. When he pulled away, it was with an exuberant smile. You turned your attention to Natasha then who gave a single nod of her head in acknowledgement. It was clear she was there merely for Thor's benefit and would be back in her own time to speak with you. 

The next pair to visit was Steve and Clint, who you nearly wanted to jump out of bed for and hug with all your might. You had been endlessly worried about him since his capture, though it seemed he was doing alright and was even in the mood to crack a few jokes. You enjoyed the company, though your ribs protested greatly at your laughing. 

It was nearly an hour with them before Fury himself made his presence and all but ushered the two out of the room so he could talk to you without unwanted ears. 

You learned about Coulson's fate then, as well as your promoted position another tier higher on the map of S.H.I.E.L.D. agents. After he left, you refused any other visitors for the rest of the evening. It was your own personal moment to grieve the loss of a great man, an even greater friend, and contemplate your role once again in the agency you knew as home. 

The next day, you had even more visitors of many other agents you knew well, some repeat visits from Clint, Natasha, even Tony, and several instances of doctors coming in and out to check on your condition. By evening, you were wore out and slipping under here and there for small little naps inbetween several scattered visitors and a few doctor visits. At one point, you were aware of someone entering your room, though it took you a moment to fully rouse yourself from your slumber. Kind, brown eyes widened as you turned to face your visitor, and a small, hesitant smile formed on his face. 

"Hey," you greeted, having to clear your throat to speak and still finding your voice to be a bit raspy, "was wondering when I'd see you." 

Bruce gave a nervous laugh as he looked down at his hands, rubbing his palms together in an anxious fashion you had seen before. 

"I didn't want to disturb you. I hope...I hope I didn't wake you." 

"No, no, I've been in and out of sleep nearly all day. I was actually waiting for you. I was worried you wouldn't stop by for a visit." 

Bruce looked up then and really studied you for a moment. You could feel the intensity of his gaze as he mapped out each scrape and bruise visible to his eyes. With each one he found, his frown deepened. 

"(Y/N), I...I'm so sorry." 

"Bruce, no, it's okay-" 

"This is why they never should have found me. They should have just let me stay where I-" 

"Bruce, he remembered!" 

This quieted the scientist for a brief moment, confusion written on his face. 

"He...remembered?" 

You nodded and gave a short laugh. 

"The Hulk...The Big Guy, whatever you call him, he remembered me, remembered what I did for him a year ago. He _knew_ who I was, Bruce; he saved me." 

"He _hurt_ you," Bruce emphasized while taking hold of your hand and carefully stretching out your arm to remind you of some of the damage that had been dealt to you. "This wouldn't have happened-" 

"If I hadn't gotten in the way while he was after Thor. Any injuries that happen to be a cause of the Hulk are my own fault for not staying back where I knew it was safe. Whether you want to believe it or not is your choice, but I know what I saw, and that was a big green ragemonster who saved me from being thrown from the top of Stark Tower." 

Bruce didn't know what to say. He made a subconscious move to pull away from you, though you easily caught his hand and carefully pulled at it to move him closer. Almost reluctantly, the scientist moved with the motion until he was sitting at the edge of your hospital bed. 

"I think this is the closest I've been to you since this whole thing began," you joked lightly, a smile finding its way to your face for a brief moment. 

"I didn't think you'd ever want me this close again," he admitted quietly. You gave his hand a small squeeze to show that you understood what he meant. 

"I was so upset, Bruce. You were dead, as far as I knew, and I had just learned to accept that when you suddenly reappeared again. I was so confused, so angry that I didn't know what to do about it. So I took it out on you, and I regret every moment of it." 

You pulled his hand to your lips and gave his knuckles a gentle kiss, watching a bashful smile slowly return to his face. 

"Anything you did, anything the Hulk moght have done, it means nothing against what i feel for you. I lost you once, Bruce, and I'd rather not lose you again. So like it or not, you're stuck with me." 

He took in your words, but he still seemed hesitant, as if any moment you would take back everything and demand he leave your side. 

"And here I was, thinking you'd never forgive me for leaving." 

You released his hand in favor of running your fingers across his cheek, a moved he recognized as one of his own that he had done to you on numerous occassions. 

"At the risk of sounding soppy, I'll forgive you if you can forgive me." 

"I didn't know there was anything to forgive." 

You couldn't help but to laugh as you pulled the unsuspecting doctor down to your level to press a loving kiss to his lips. He was surprised, even floundered for a moment at the action. Once he realized what was happening, however, he pressed back carefully, and it was the single-most sweetest sensation you had experienced in a long time. 

When you both pulled away, Bruce gave a chuckle, his eyes crinkling with the action. 

"Wait until Tony hears about my kiss. Bet he'll be jealous." 

"Oh my God, he told you?!" 

"I think he's rather proud of it." 

"It wasn't even on the mouth!" 

"You might as well have given him a crown and called him king, he's so pleased with himself." 

You gave a good laugh then, wincing as it jostled your body a bit too much for your liking. Even Bruce joined in the laughter, fretting over you a moment later for upsetting your injuries, and in that moment, everything was perfect. 

Redemption wasn't always easy to obtain, nor was it always easy to forgive those that have hurt you. Everyone had their own problems to handle, their own demons to slay, and it took some longer to work through them than others. When that barrier brakes, though, it's amazing what forgiveness can do. 

You and Bruce had a lot to work out, even more things to discuss. There would be hurdles to jump over, mountains to climb, even pits you would inadverdently fall into. You both had some amazing friends, however, as well as each other, to help you along the oath ahead. 

You were lonely no more, and you planned on keeping it that way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you guys so much for all the kudos and lovely comments! I'm so thrilled you enjoyed this piece.
> 
> Now, on to my announcement...
> 
> I have a super special Tony Stark/Reader fic that I will begin posting very soon. It's a piece I am quite proud of and consider to be one of my best works, and I hope to see you guys around when I begin posting it. It's called "So the Story Goes," so be looking out for it within the next couple of weeks.
> 
> Well, thanks again, you guys. See ya around!

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading!
> 
> See ya around for the next chapter!


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